In the past when people would talk about my family being sick, it had to do with the fact that we tend to be loud, a little raucous and often inappropriate. With the e-mail description of my brother's imminent corneal transplant (for a degenerative rarely rare eye-disease wholly unrelated to the one I had) and my cousin's car accident and the need for pins in his legs - we seem to be using the health care system way too much this year. Even my very healthy 20-something year old cousin decided having one baby wasn't enough and she had to up the ante by having twins. It's been quite the year, and I'm probably missing some things but I just want to make a couple of observations.
1) I know you guys are competitive and all, but I kind of think in the contest to generate the most in health care bills - I'm pretty sure I won this year so you may as well just stop trying and stay healthy. Grandma might have me beat, but she's 90 and I'm not sure she should count.
I kind of want to lay claim to next year too, what with the fat transplant surgery and rebuilding process, so again you might as well all just stay healthy. This means no complications in healing, please, and no more entrants into this event for 2010.
2) This might all be a strong argument for genetic diversity and might make the fact that most of you married and procreated with folks from different backgrounds a really good thing. (Not sure what this means for you Abby - I'm hoping the Russian part is enough to make Roman's DNA more varied.) Yes, we are smart and funny. The allergies are one thing, but 2 weird eye diseases - that just seems crazy. We won't even get into the cancer, high blood pressure etc...
3) In the end, I'm glad the year is coming to the end, grateful we all have good medical care, and look forward to seeing you all. I just found out some devestating news about recurrence in a family member of a friend, so even with all the bumps and bruises - I'm actually very grateful it all seems more of an inconvenience than anything too devastating.
For those of you not related to me - I'd also appreciate it if you could also stay healthy.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
The year of gratuitous beautification has begun
So I was going to change the title of the blog as the first year (and what will be referred to as the cancer year) is just about over and I need to figure out when the year of beautification shall begin. I'm thinking it might have started last Sunday, as while some were walking to find a cure for breast cancer (3 day DC breast cancer walk) and others were marching for marriage equality, I was holed up in the Red Door Spa at the Willard Hotel having a facial, massage, manicure and pedicure. It was lovely and neccessary given the tightness in my back. (Thank you Tal.)
I had fun seeing the other folks in town, including my friends Andres and Lisa who were visiting. And it seems like the march was successful and those that participated seemed to really enjoy it.
I saw the physical therapist on Wednesday, who confirmed that my back is a tight mess. Is it nutty that we ended the session with her asking me 1) when was my next massage was scheduled and 2) suggesting I should check with my doctor but maybe i needed to see a chiropractor for realignment?
Today I saw my plastic surgeon and breast surgeon. Besides needing to wait to see both of them due to them being stuck down in the OR (something I'm happy to be delayed for - you want surgeons to take their time when operating on others as well as me). I seem to be healing well and to not totally bury the lead - I'll be having the DIEP surgery on January 7. The DIEP surgery involves harvesting fat, skin and tissue and an artery and vein from my belly area and transplanting it and shaping it into a breast. The timing will be a little under 4 months from the end of radiation and my doc feels the timing is fine.
I am allowed to do whatever I want exercise wise in the mean time but need to understand that the size of breast will depend on what transfer tissues he has to work with. I'm guessing I'll try to stretch and swim, maybe lift some weights, do some other aerobic activities and maybe even do some sit-ups to try and get back some muscle tone and then if need be I can always up my intake of chocolate and pate (and other fat inducing foods). It will make for an interesting holiday season in any case. After surgery I will be in the hospital for 4-5 days and then at home for about a month (they say longer but I'm guessing I might be able to be out and recovered by my birthday).
Otherwise - things look good - my expander was expanded and he does seem amenable to my getting an implant if i would rather go that route. I think I'm committed to the flap surgery as it seems that the tissue transfer will help the other tissue heal. The skin/tissue seems to be healing well after radiation and things should be settled down by December. I also got more valium (needed to relax the muscle for the expansion) but I'm also hoping it might make my back feel better.
I saw Dr. E afterward and besides her being very pregnant (due in 3 weeks) that appointment went well and was pretty uneventful. There is (knock wood) no evidence of any tumors or anything hinky in my other breast and I have pretty good range of motion in my left arm and i will see her again in March. Both sets of folks asked about the mediport and if I wanted it out. I said I'd prefer to keep it until after at least the first reconstruction surgery and everyone seemed fine with that. If I'm in the hospital for a few days I'd much rather have the port than to have them playing with getting iv's into veins.
Other news - i get to add a cardiologist to my collection of pre-op visits. Apparently protocol changed over the last few weeks and if you have had adriamyacin in the past you need to be checked out and approved by a cardiologist before they can give you anesthesia. I guess it's better safe than sorry - though it seems a little silly in that they've already ran an ekg and an echocardiogram since I stopped with the chemo and I've had 3 surgeries since then with anesthesia.
So things look good - I'm happy to have the doctors sign off and to have a date set for reconstruction. Next up I think is to buy a recliner - possibly one with a massage feature built in. It isn't neccessary for recovery but i think it will be good to have.
Now the goal is to get stuff done before the new year - of course, this does make setting New Year's Resolutions easier.
I had fun seeing the other folks in town, including my friends Andres and Lisa who were visiting. And it seems like the march was successful and those that participated seemed to really enjoy it.
I saw the physical therapist on Wednesday, who confirmed that my back is a tight mess. Is it nutty that we ended the session with her asking me 1) when was my next massage was scheduled and 2) suggesting I should check with my doctor but maybe i needed to see a chiropractor for realignment?
Today I saw my plastic surgeon and breast surgeon. Besides needing to wait to see both of them due to them being stuck down in the OR (something I'm happy to be delayed for - you want surgeons to take their time when operating on others as well as me). I seem to be healing well and to not totally bury the lead - I'll be having the DIEP surgery on January 7. The DIEP surgery involves harvesting fat, skin and tissue and an artery and vein from my belly area and transplanting it and shaping it into a breast. The timing will be a little under 4 months from the end of radiation and my doc feels the timing is fine.
I am allowed to do whatever I want exercise wise in the mean time but need to understand that the size of breast will depend on what transfer tissues he has to work with. I'm guessing I'll try to stretch and swim, maybe lift some weights, do some other aerobic activities and maybe even do some sit-ups to try and get back some muscle tone and then if need be I can always up my intake of chocolate and pate (and other fat inducing foods). It will make for an interesting holiday season in any case. After surgery I will be in the hospital for 4-5 days and then at home for about a month (they say longer but I'm guessing I might be able to be out and recovered by my birthday).
Otherwise - things look good - my expander was expanded and he does seem amenable to my getting an implant if i would rather go that route. I think I'm committed to the flap surgery as it seems that the tissue transfer will help the other tissue heal. The skin/tissue seems to be healing well after radiation and things should be settled down by December. I also got more valium (needed to relax the muscle for the expansion) but I'm also hoping it might make my back feel better.
I saw Dr. E afterward and besides her being very pregnant (due in 3 weeks) that appointment went well and was pretty uneventful. There is (knock wood) no evidence of any tumors or anything hinky in my other breast and I have pretty good range of motion in my left arm and i will see her again in March. Both sets of folks asked about the mediport and if I wanted it out. I said I'd prefer to keep it until after at least the first reconstruction surgery and everyone seemed fine with that. If I'm in the hospital for a few days I'd much rather have the port than to have them playing with getting iv's into veins.
Other news - i get to add a cardiologist to my collection of pre-op visits. Apparently protocol changed over the last few weeks and if you have had adriamyacin in the past you need to be checked out and approved by a cardiologist before they can give you anesthesia. I guess it's better safe than sorry - though it seems a little silly in that they've already ran an ekg and an echocardiogram since I stopped with the chemo and I've had 3 surgeries since then with anesthesia.
So things look good - I'm happy to have the doctors sign off and to have a date set for reconstruction. Next up I think is to buy a recliner - possibly one with a massage feature built in. It isn't neccessary for recovery but i think it will be good to have.
Now the goal is to get stuff done before the new year - of course, this does make setting New Year's Resolutions easier.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Back in DC
Just back from Myrtle Beach and though I had a great time in both Europe and at the beach, I'm happy to be staying put for a little while. It helps when making vacation plans to figure out both when you go and come back from trips. Last Sunday (10 days ago) after landing from Paris the night before and deciding that I wasn't in fact going to services for Yom Kippur, I realized I was leaving for Myrtle Beach in less than a week.
Visiting with Tal & Paul was fun, if not filled with sun-drenched days. It rained on Monday and was cloudy Tuesday but the hanging out and relaxing time was terrific. We sat around, they cooked and we did go see a local garden that had a lovely collection of sculpture, beautiful flowers, butterflies and some of the most amazing Oak trees you could imagine. They also have a zoo and some animals, that we didn't get to see too much of. Lots of good food, some sun time and shopping - I'm not sure I could ask for much more in terms of R&R.
I also felt less guilty about not being more active. It was harder being kind of a slug in Europe. The trip to Brussels was fun, though I'm not sure I really needed to go via Paris. There was a car holiday going on (no cars allowed downtown) on Sunday and it was interesting to see everyone out. I puttered around, ate waffles, tons of chocolate and ridiculous amount of shellfish at the Belga Queen. The conference on Tuesday was interesting and people seemed to like my presentation. I even got to drink some sparkling wine at lunch.
I was then off to Berlin to see Andres and Jose, Berlin was terrific in an industrial kind of way. We wandered around, saw lots of new art and generally hung out. Andres was subletting an apartment in the old East Berlin, concrete square, not much decoration on the walls and it was somehow appropriate when the electricity went out. Also probably fitting that the hot water went out afterward, but it was more exciting when the shower worked again the following day.
Berlin definitely seems like a city I'd want to go back to and have more time and energy to poke around. I then went to Paris for 24 hours which was great if short. I ate foie gras (twice), had a kir royale and enjoyed wandering around. Though the Musee d'Orsay was less exciting for me now than the last time I was there. I was somewhat pooped, my feet hurt and was actually pretty happy to be heading home.
I also managed to get a cold on the flight back, but it hasn't been terrible. I was sneezy and then coughing - and I'm guessing those around me this past week weren't totally thrilled but it was reassuring to have a cold and be okay. My immune system seems to be working and I'm optimistic that the cough won't last a good two months. I'm taking these all to be good omens. I did also start taking tamoxifen last week and knock wood that has been without side effects thus far.
In other news, its been about a year since I was first diagnosed. I'm sad I'm still dealing with things, and did totally breakdown when having a mammogram on Wednesday. Not really sure why I need to keep getting tests that have shown themselves to be ineffective. I really didn't like being in the space, partly because the last time I was there I was getting fitted with a wire before the first lumpectomy. I kept thinking that if that had worked, I'd be done now and moving on with my life.
Instead, I'm going to need to start reconstruction and not totally happy about it. It will be fine and I'm optimistic that this coming year will be better than the last but I still would rather be done. Otherwise, I need to clean up and organize the random stuff that seems to be all over the place both at work and home. And there is a stack of projects I need to finish.
Sorry, I've been so AWOL - in part this is a good sign - I post less when I have other things going on. But it also is related to my caving and going on facebook. Updating in multiple places, apparently is hard, and typing on my iphone seems more conducive to posts that are supposed to be short. I'd hate to imagine what my reliability would be if I started twittering too.
Thank you all for your support through this past year. I promise to try and write more regularly now that both my laptop and arms seem to work.
Kim
Visiting with Tal & Paul was fun, if not filled with sun-drenched days. It rained on Monday and was cloudy Tuesday but the hanging out and relaxing time was terrific. We sat around, they cooked and we did go see a local garden that had a lovely collection of sculpture, beautiful flowers, butterflies and some of the most amazing Oak trees you could imagine. They also have a zoo and some animals, that we didn't get to see too much of. Lots of good food, some sun time and shopping - I'm not sure I could ask for much more in terms of R&R.
I also felt less guilty about not being more active. It was harder being kind of a slug in Europe. The trip to Brussels was fun, though I'm not sure I really needed to go via Paris. There was a car holiday going on (no cars allowed downtown) on Sunday and it was interesting to see everyone out. I puttered around, ate waffles, tons of chocolate and ridiculous amount of shellfish at the Belga Queen. The conference on Tuesday was interesting and people seemed to like my presentation. I even got to drink some sparkling wine at lunch.
I was then off to Berlin to see Andres and Jose, Berlin was terrific in an industrial kind of way. We wandered around, saw lots of new art and generally hung out. Andres was subletting an apartment in the old East Berlin, concrete square, not much decoration on the walls and it was somehow appropriate when the electricity went out. Also probably fitting that the hot water went out afterward, but it was more exciting when the shower worked again the following day.
Berlin definitely seems like a city I'd want to go back to and have more time and energy to poke around. I then went to Paris for 24 hours which was great if short. I ate foie gras (twice), had a kir royale and enjoyed wandering around. Though the Musee d'Orsay was less exciting for me now than the last time I was there. I was somewhat pooped, my feet hurt and was actually pretty happy to be heading home.
I also managed to get a cold on the flight back, but it hasn't been terrible. I was sneezy and then coughing - and I'm guessing those around me this past week weren't totally thrilled but it was reassuring to have a cold and be okay. My immune system seems to be working and I'm optimistic that the cough won't last a good two months. I'm taking these all to be good omens. I did also start taking tamoxifen last week and knock wood that has been without side effects thus far.
In other news, its been about a year since I was first diagnosed. I'm sad I'm still dealing with things, and did totally breakdown when having a mammogram on Wednesday. Not really sure why I need to keep getting tests that have shown themselves to be ineffective. I really didn't like being in the space, partly because the last time I was there I was getting fitted with a wire before the first lumpectomy. I kept thinking that if that had worked, I'd be done now and moving on with my life.
Instead, I'm going to need to start reconstruction and not totally happy about it. It will be fine and I'm optimistic that this coming year will be better than the last but I still would rather be done. Otherwise, I need to clean up and organize the random stuff that seems to be all over the place both at work and home. And there is a stack of projects I need to finish.
Sorry, I've been so AWOL - in part this is a good sign - I post less when I have other things going on. But it also is related to my caving and going on facebook. Updating in multiple places, apparently is hard, and typing on my iphone seems more conducive to posts that are supposed to be short. I'd hate to imagine what my reliability would be if I started twittering too.
Thank you all for your support through this past year. I promise to try and write more regularly now that both my laptop and arms seem to work.
Kim
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Done with Radiation - Fall Can Officially Begin
Finished radiation yesterday and celebrated by going on CNBC to discuss first time homebuyer tax credits. Who says I don't know how to party?
I am happy to be done with radiation and it ended just in time as the weather turned rainy and cold again. The powers that be did listen and earlier this week did feel like summer. I am happy to be done with radiation and looking forward to going back to life without daily doctor's appointments. I got a certificate for completing radiation and BoSoxFox brought in cake (flourless chocolate cake and German chocolate cake) to celebrate. I also went out for drinks to celebrate. When I got home I received a gift from the ladies of taxation in Cambridge - which was Burdoch's chocolate. Do we all sense a theme here per chance? Thank you all for your well wishes and support over the last year. It has helped a lot, though I can't believe it's been almost a year since this whole thing had begun.
As for CNBC http://www.cnbc.com/id/15840232?video=1258448442&play=1 well that had to do with the first-time homebuyers tax credit. Something that probably worked better as stimulus than we thought it would but seems like it might be yet another temporary tax expenditure that becomes permanent. Like what we need is more incentives in housing over other investments. Of course, according to the realtors the only thing standing between the country and 5-6 GDP growth in the current year is an extension and expansion of the housing credit. Isn't using housing purchases to pull us out of a downturn what got us into this mess in the first place? I've also learned I need to figure out how to smile while on camera and finish a thought once I start it.
In any case, I am off to Europe on Saturday for a week to talk about higher education tax credits. I'm guessing this will be more celebratory and involve (surprise, surprise) the eating and purchase of copious amounts of Belgian (and probably German and French) chocolate and less copious amounts of beer and foie gras. I might actually have a problem here - is it sad to think that if I developed a chocolate allergy that might be more devastating to my life than cancer?
Okay, so not really. I will probably not blog until I'm back from the old country. Stay out of trouble and for those of you of the faith Shana Tova or Happy New Year.
Kim
I am happy to be done with radiation and it ended just in time as the weather turned rainy and cold again. The powers that be did listen and earlier this week did feel like summer. I am happy to be done with radiation and looking forward to going back to life without daily doctor's appointments. I got a certificate for completing radiation and BoSoxFox brought in cake (flourless chocolate cake and German chocolate cake) to celebrate. I also went out for drinks to celebrate. When I got home I received a gift from the ladies of taxation in Cambridge - which was Burdoch's chocolate. Do we all sense a theme here per chance? Thank you all for your well wishes and support over the last year. It has helped a lot, though I can't believe it's been almost a year since this whole thing had begun.
As for CNBC http://www.cnbc.com/id/15840232?video=1258448442&play=1 well that had to do with the first-time homebuyers tax credit. Something that probably worked better as stimulus than we thought it would but seems like it might be yet another temporary tax expenditure that becomes permanent. Like what we need is more incentives in housing over other investments. Of course, according to the realtors the only thing standing between the country and 5-6 GDP growth in the current year is an extension and expansion of the housing credit. Isn't using housing purchases to pull us out of a downturn what got us into this mess in the first place? I've also learned I need to figure out how to smile while on camera and finish a thought once I start it.
In any case, I am off to Europe on Saturday for a week to talk about higher education tax credits. I'm guessing this will be more celebratory and involve (surprise, surprise) the eating and purchase of copious amounts of Belgian (and probably German and French) chocolate and less copious amounts of beer and foie gras. I might actually have a problem here - is it sad to think that if I developed a chocolate allergy that might be more devastating to my life than cancer?
Okay, so not really. I will probably not blog until I'm back from the old country. Stay out of trouble and for those of you of the faith Shana Tova or Happy New Year.
Kim
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Time for a boost
Sorry I've been so lax about updating - but I'm going to blame it on the busted computer. The last couple of weeks have been a little hectic and I just got back from a trip to San Francisco which was great and totally neccessary after a week of too many medical appointments.
First off - I'm done with the main set of radiation treatments and on to the 5 days of boosts. That means they are irradiating a smaller area closer to the surface to try and make sure there are no cancer cells lurking in the scar or skin. I am just happy that it means that my underarm will be out of the field of treatment as it was kind of a mess last week. I will be done with radiation (and treatment :)) next Wednesday. Though I do get to start taking Tamoxifen soon.
San Francisco was great - I got to see a bunch of folks, eat a lot of good food and have 4 whole days without lasers irradiating my body. I've decided that there is nowhere better to recuperate and recover one's sanity than Ellen and Rob's and have already told them to be on call for my (next?) breakdown. Of course, knowing one can run a sanitarium in one's home might give them more career options.
The week before I left was another story. It is never good when you end up sobbing in a catholic school parking lot - especially when you are jewish.
On Monday my underarm really started to hurt. The skin was tired of being irradiated and after meeting with the physical therapist, I had been doing some exercises that involved scooping out that area. (Yes, I do in fact have lymphedema which required buying a compression sleeve and glove for flying.) The skin was raw and red and in a couple of places looked like it was totally scraped away. I talked to folks at Radiation about it at Wednesday's appointment and they were very sympathetic and gave me more creams and lotions and tried reassuring me that it looked way better than what other people had at this point in treatment. They did suggest I take some narcotics at night for the pain and to help me sleep - something I hadn't been doing very much of because it hurt so much.
Later that day, I also met with the orthopedist, who confirmed I had a break in my elbow - he thought the wrist was okay but might have had torn ligaments. It was healing and he thought the fact that I had stopped wearing the sling was a good thing. He signed off on the trips to CA and Europe and sent me on my way, with the pronouncement that I am a tough cookie - I think that is a medical diagnosis. Wednesday evening I took a percocet which helped with the pain but didn't really lead to my sleeping.
Which takes us to Thursday - a day where I had radiation at 9:00, an appointment with my oncologist at 10:30, followed by bloodwork and mediport cleaning. Then I had a lunch reservation at 1:15(Kinkaed's which was delicious) and physical therapy at 4:00. Well the percocet didn't help me sleep (3rd night with little sleep) but did make me kind of spacy and weepy to be driving around.
I went to Radiation and then headed over to G-town. Well traffic was horrible but I had plenty of time. I turned from Wisconsin onto Reservoir Rd and then had to turn left because the street was closed. What followed was 30 minutes of circling and trying to get to the hospital only to be faced with yet another blocked street. No sleep, narcotics and it hurt everytime I turned the steering wheel. I ended up at the other side of G-town and asked about what roads were open only to be told things that weren't true. None of the dozens of folks blocking the streets or tearing up the roads could tell me what streets were open and how I could get to the hospital.
15 minutes in I was sobbing as I drove. 30 minutes in I turned into what I thought was a side entrance to the University but was a Catholic High School. The parking guard and a passing nun took pity on me and tried calming me down. They suggested I just leave my car parked somewhere and walk - and then said I could leave my car in their parking lot. I'm hoping I would have realized I could have just stopped and parked my car on my own if I was a little less spacy or in less pain. In any case - the car was parked and on my way out of their campus the parking guard asked for my name and phone number so the sister could pray for me and handed me a rosary. It was great to have people be nice. I made it to the hospital, and to my other appointments and it all went okay if it was a little hectic.
Can someone explain to me why DC decided to repave the streets in September. Couldn't they have done it while all the schools along Reservoir were closed and no one was around in August? Also, shouldn't there be signs posted as to how to detour to the hospital? It's a hospital for god's sake - what if someone was actually hurt?
That night I met some friends for dinner and drinks and have to admit a couple of strawberry-lychee champagne drinks at Founding Farmers worked much better at getting me to sleep. I took off the next day to California - thanks to Lek, Peggy and Tammy for making my airport time so easy in each direction - and I managed to do it without breaking into tears at all.
United let me check my bag onto an earlier connecting flight, let me go on that flight (we won't ask why I was booked with a 3 hour layover in the first place when my physical airplane was the one going from San Diego to SF) and a gate agent on the red-eye back changed my seat to an economy plus bulkhead window seat. (We won't talk about the fact that if you by the economy plus up-grade in advance and then change your flight you are supposed to lose the up-grade.)
Now, I'm back and feel like I probably can handle the last few days of radiation. My arm and skin look okay and I will be happy for this to be over and to move on to my year of beautification. (How we will be referring to the plastic surgery.)
First off - I'm done with the main set of radiation treatments and on to the 5 days of boosts. That means they are irradiating a smaller area closer to the surface to try and make sure there are no cancer cells lurking in the scar or skin. I am just happy that it means that my underarm will be out of the field of treatment as it was kind of a mess last week. I will be done with radiation (and treatment :)) next Wednesday. Though I do get to start taking Tamoxifen soon.
San Francisco was great - I got to see a bunch of folks, eat a lot of good food and have 4 whole days without lasers irradiating my body. I've decided that there is nowhere better to recuperate and recover one's sanity than Ellen and Rob's and have already told them to be on call for my (next?) breakdown. Of course, knowing one can run a sanitarium in one's home might give them more career options.
The week before I left was another story. It is never good when you end up sobbing in a catholic school parking lot - especially when you are jewish.
On Monday my underarm really started to hurt. The skin was tired of being irradiated and after meeting with the physical therapist, I had been doing some exercises that involved scooping out that area. (Yes, I do in fact have lymphedema which required buying a compression sleeve and glove for flying.) The skin was raw and red and in a couple of places looked like it was totally scraped away. I talked to folks at Radiation about it at Wednesday's appointment and they were very sympathetic and gave me more creams and lotions and tried reassuring me that it looked way better than what other people had at this point in treatment. They did suggest I take some narcotics at night for the pain and to help me sleep - something I hadn't been doing very much of because it hurt so much.
Later that day, I also met with the orthopedist, who confirmed I had a break in my elbow - he thought the wrist was okay but might have had torn ligaments. It was healing and he thought the fact that I had stopped wearing the sling was a good thing. He signed off on the trips to CA and Europe and sent me on my way, with the pronouncement that I am a tough cookie - I think that is a medical diagnosis. Wednesday evening I took a percocet which helped with the pain but didn't really lead to my sleeping.
Which takes us to Thursday - a day where I had radiation at 9:00, an appointment with my oncologist at 10:30, followed by bloodwork and mediport cleaning. Then I had a lunch reservation at 1:15(Kinkaed's which was delicious) and physical therapy at 4:00. Well the percocet didn't help me sleep (3rd night with little sleep) but did make me kind of spacy and weepy to be driving around.
I went to Radiation and then headed over to G-town. Well traffic was horrible but I had plenty of time. I turned from Wisconsin onto Reservoir Rd and then had to turn left because the street was closed. What followed was 30 minutes of circling and trying to get to the hospital only to be faced with yet another blocked street. No sleep, narcotics and it hurt everytime I turned the steering wheel. I ended up at the other side of G-town and asked about what roads were open only to be told things that weren't true. None of the dozens of folks blocking the streets or tearing up the roads could tell me what streets were open and how I could get to the hospital.
15 minutes in I was sobbing as I drove. 30 minutes in I turned into what I thought was a side entrance to the University but was a Catholic High School. The parking guard and a passing nun took pity on me and tried calming me down. They suggested I just leave my car parked somewhere and walk - and then said I could leave my car in their parking lot. I'm hoping I would have realized I could have just stopped and parked my car on my own if I was a little less spacy or in less pain. In any case - the car was parked and on my way out of their campus the parking guard asked for my name and phone number so the sister could pray for me and handed me a rosary. It was great to have people be nice. I made it to the hospital, and to my other appointments and it all went okay if it was a little hectic.
Can someone explain to me why DC decided to repave the streets in September. Couldn't they have done it while all the schools along Reservoir were closed and no one was around in August? Also, shouldn't there be signs posted as to how to detour to the hospital? It's a hospital for god's sake - what if someone was actually hurt?
That night I met some friends for dinner and drinks and have to admit a couple of strawberry-lychee champagne drinks at Founding Farmers worked much better at getting me to sleep. I took off the next day to California - thanks to Lek, Peggy and Tammy for making my airport time so easy in each direction - and I managed to do it without breaking into tears at all.
United let me check my bag onto an earlier connecting flight, let me go on that flight (we won't ask why I was booked with a 3 hour layover in the first place when my physical airplane was the one going from San Diego to SF) and a gate agent on the red-eye back changed my seat to an economy plus bulkhead window seat. (We won't talk about the fact that if you by the economy plus up-grade in advance and then change your flight you are supposed to lose the up-grade.)
Now, I'm back and feel like I probably can handle the last few days of radiation. My arm and skin look okay and I will be happy for this to be over and to move on to my year of beautification. (How we will be referring to the plastic surgery.)
Friday, August 21, 2009
Turns out my arm and my laptop are still broken
The x-rays came back this morning and I have a non-displaced fracture ... in my wrist. I kind of had the feeling that if anything cracked it may have been the wrist - it hurt first and is still achey. The blood pooling in the elbow made that more acute after the fall, but it seems more or less fine now. There's nothing to be done, except I'm probably staying away from weight-lifting activities for a little longer. I figure when I see a physical therapist, I can now get exercises for both arms.
As for my laptop, it works - sort of. I can log on, not see the advanced virus removal pop-ups :)but while I can access my work e-mail or facebook nothing shows up. I know I have messages but can't read them. Fun city. What this means to anyone trying to get in touch - e-mail me at gmail, call on my home number or expect slower response times in the short term. So I now have a barely functional computer and cell-phone. We could argue my possessions feel sympathy for me but the truth is they are taking the brunt of my spaciness/flakiness potentially treatment related. (The phone hasn't really recovered from the chicken soup bath.) I might go out and buy an i-phone this weekend. (How heavy are they?)
Otherwise, I'm actually feeling pretty good; not getting enough sleep but I'm being more active and have been walking to work about half the time in the swampland. Next week, I might even start exercising at a gym. We'll see.
I've been somewhat preoccupied trying to figure out September/October travel plans. There's a trip to the Bay Area Labor Day weekend that I might get permission to stay a couple of more days. Right now my last treatment (without boosts) is that Tuesday, but my doctor seemed to think taking a break wouldn't be terrible. Then I'm going to a conference in Brussels, I'm thinking of tacking on some extra days and trying to figure out where to go. (If I meet up with folks its probably somewhere I haven't been, if not probably Paris or London.)
I think I need to limit it to one other place - see discussion of non-functional arms above. I also made a reservation for 2 at a somewhat fancy restaurant my friend recommended in Brussels for Sunday night - so if you have any recommendations of people I should accost I'd take that info too.
In October, I think I'm going to the beach with some college friends. I'm hoping its warm enough to at least wade in the North Carolina water but we'll see.
As for my laptop, it works - sort of. I can log on, not see the advanced virus removal pop-ups :)but while I can access my work e-mail or facebook nothing shows up. I know I have messages but can't read them. Fun city. What this means to anyone trying to get in touch - e-mail me at gmail, call on my home number or expect slower response times in the short term. So I now have a barely functional computer and cell-phone. We could argue my possessions feel sympathy for me but the truth is they are taking the brunt of my spaciness/flakiness potentially treatment related. (The phone hasn't really recovered from the chicken soup bath.) I might go out and buy an i-phone this weekend. (How heavy are they?)
Otherwise, I'm actually feeling pretty good; not getting enough sleep but I'm being more active and have been walking to work about half the time in the swampland. Next week, I might even start exercising at a gym. We'll see.
I've been somewhat preoccupied trying to figure out September/October travel plans. There's a trip to the Bay Area Labor Day weekend that I might get permission to stay a couple of more days. Right now my last treatment (without boosts) is that Tuesday, but my doctor seemed to think taking a break wouldn't be terrible. Then I'm going to a conference in Brussels, I'm thinking of tacking on some extra days and trying to figure out where to go. (If I meet up with folks its probably somewhere I haven't been, if not probably Paris or London.)
I think I need to limit it to one other place - see discussion of non-functional arms above. I also made a reservation for 2 at a somewhat fancy restaurant my friend recommended in Brussels for Sunday night - so if you have any recommendations of people I should accost I'd take that info too.
In October, I think I'm going to the beach with some college friends. I'm hoping its warm enough to at least wade in the North Carolina water but we'll see.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Halfway through
Assuming I don't need any boosts, I just hit the midway point of radiation. I've had 14 treatments and it hasn't been that bad thus far (knock wood). The increased discomfort from radiation on my left side is being offset by the decreasing achiness in my right arm. I do feel somewhat like Frankenstein's monster - I have all the right parts but they are askew. My arms kind of hurt, chest is tight and hard and no, not in a good way like from exercise. But I seem to be doing okay. Last week, I attended some conferences and actually finished a draft of a paper (thank you Tracy), met friends for lunch and dinner and generally had a life.
This weekend after a fun dinner Friday night that probably went a little too late, my poor computer came down with spyware. Lesson: don't check e-mail while intoxicated. (Yes going a little too late is code for too much drinking.) If you get a message from advanced virus removal, make sure not to click on anything. I didn't click on the pop-up but did hit the icon in the corner by mistake. (It has windows colors.) I'm guessing it was the drink, bud suddenly I am down the rabbithole. Hopefully, my computer can be cleaned; it has been given over to professionals.
I did drive my car and went to the farmers' market on Sunday which was super-exciting and means I have a house full of fruits and vegetables. Otherwise, things are chugging along. I have enough trips planned in the near future to not be sad about being one of 10 people left in DC and
I'm hoping for a productive but mainly uneventful week.
This weekend after a fun dinner Friday night that probably went a little too late, my poor computer came down with spyware. Lesson: don't check e-mail while intoxicated. (Yes going a little too late is code for too much drinking.) If you get a message from advanced virus removal, make sure not to click on anything. I didn't click on the pop-up but did hit the icon in the corner by mistake. (It has windows colors.) I'm guessing it was the drink, bud suddenly I am down the rabbithole. Hopefully, my computer can be cleaned; it has been given over to professionals.
I did drive my car and went to the farmers' market on Sunday which was super-exciting and means I have a house full of fruits and vegetables. Otherwise, things are chugging along. I have enough trips planned in the near future to not be sad about being one of 10 people left in DC and
I'm hoping for a productive but mainly uneventful week.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
No death panels for me
So while I should be re-reading my paper on local tax options, I find myself obsessed with the mayhem which seems to be the healthcare debate. I don't think people protesting is a bad thing but the ridiculousness of the claims and allegations is preposterous. Yes, you have time to get all philosophical while laying on a table every morning getting zapped with radiation.
How did paying for optional counseling about end-of-life issues turn into mandatory meetings with death panels? Thus far every time I've been in the emergency room or hospital, I'm asked about whether I have an advanced directive, whether I want to have an advanced directive, whether I want to talk to someone about having an advanced directive and given I don't have an advanced directive what do I want them to do in terms of resuscitation and emergency care, in case things go horribly, horribly wrong. I always say I don't want them to get there and if they manage to put me in a vegetative state while getting my arm x-rayed I won't be happy and but I don't need extraordinary measures.
I've never felt like I was being pressured to say not to try and save my life, and I do understand why people don't want to think about these things. BUT doctors and staff ALREADY need to have this conversation so what we are talking about is paying for it. It is probably time for me to just fill out the paperwork because while I never want to think about these issues - having your wishes spelled out can't hurt.
My colleague Howard is more eloquent and has been thinking about end of life issues for a long time. If things are at a point where you can't answer these questions, it seems like having the option to have a conversation about what the different measures that may be taken would be a good thing.
Second set of crazy, how do people believe medicare isn't a government program? That's government money paying for your health insurance - yes you paid payroll taxes all those years but probably not enough to cover the actual cost of 40 years of health care. Are those protesting against a public option while saying it threatens medicare really not aware that this is a government run health insurance program? Maybe they think expansion to include others will make the program unsustainable. But current cost and demographic trends mean that current coverage levels of MEDICARE are already unsustainable. The option of maintaining current levels of coverage with the current costs and an aging population, while not increasing taxes isn't going to work.
I understand libertarians wanting government out of people's lives but the embracing of medicare (and yelling about any suggestion of cost containment) while rejecting the idea of other public programs seems a little nuts.
Third there is the whole idea that we will need to make hard choices and sometimes you don't want someone to get any possible treatment. Even if cost isn't an issue, medical treatment can be hugely unpleasant and a big pain in the ass (or in my case, the chest). This year hasn't been fun but dealing with discomfort and bad side effects is worth it if I figure it might be buying me another 40 years. If it was my 90 year old grandmother I wouldn't want her to put up with some of the stuff I've had to deal with. Of course, she has her own set of medical issues and a ton of pills to take.
Which gets us back to the whole question of what we want to do with respect to health care. It would be nice if the town halls going on throughout the country could involve actual conversation and debate of the pros and cons of different options. (Public option vs. co-ops for example) But that would mean ratcheting down the heat and letting people discuss the hard choices that are needed rather than just torpedoing the whole effort.
Personally, I am doing okay - I don't think my arm is broken but will need another x-ray to confirm this and seem to be handling the radiation and Boniva drug trial pretty well. Though the Boniva seems to make me sneeze 5 or 6 times in a row every morning.
Weird, medical questions are personal and hard and can be incredibly expensive. But in one way or another we as a society will need to figure this all out. Using facts to do this seems like a no-brainer but maybe that's the chemo talking.
How did paying for optional counseling about end-of-life issues turn into mandatory meetings with death panels? Thus far every time I've been in the emergency room or hospital, I'm asked about whether I have an advanced directive, whether I want to have an advanced directive, whether I want to talk to someone about having an advanced directive and given I don't have an advanced directive what do I want them to do in terms of resuscitation and emergency care, in case things go horribly, horribly wrong. I always say I don't want them to get there and if they manage to put me in a vegetative state while getting my arm x-rayed I won't be happy and but I don't need extraordinary measures.
I've never felt like I was being pressured to say not to try and save my life, and I do understand why people don't want to think about these things. BUT doctors and staff ALREADY need to have this conversation so what we are talking about is paying for it. It is probably time for me to just fill out the paperwork because while I never want to think about these issues - having your wishes spelled out can't hurt.
My colleague Howard is more eloquent and has been thinking about end of life issues for a long time. If things are at a point where you can't answer these questions, it seems like having the option to have a conversation about what the different measures that may be taken would be a good thing.
Second set of crazy, how do people believe medicare isn't a government program? That's government money paying for your health insurance - yes you paid payroll taxes all those years but probably not enough to cover the actual cost of 40 years of health care. Are those protesting against a public option while saying it threatens medicare really not aware that this is a government run health insurance program? Maybe they think expansion to include others will make the program unsustainable. But current cost and demographic trends mean that current coverage levels of MEDICARE are already unsustainable. The option of maintaining current levels of coverage with the current costs and an aging population, while not increasing taxes isn't going to work.
I understand libertarians wanting government out of people's lives but the embracing of medicare (and yelling about any suggestion of cost containment) while rejecting the idea of other public programs seems a little nuts.
Third there is the whole idea that we will need to make hard choices and sometimes you don't want someone to get any possible treatment. Even if cost isn't an issue, medical treatment can be hugely unpleasant and a big pain in the ass (or in my case, the chest). This year hasn't been fun but dealing with discomfort and bad side effects is worth it if I figure it might be buying me another 40 years. If it was my 90 year old grandmother I wouldn't want her to put up with some of the stuff I've had to deal with. Of course, she has her own set of medical issues and a ton of pills to take.
Which gets us back to the whole question of what we want to do with respect to health care. It would be nice if the town halls going on throughout the country could involve actual conversation and debate of the pros and cons of different options. (Public option vs. co-ops for example) But that would mean ratcheting down the heat and letting people discuss the hard choices that are needed rather than just torpedoing the whole effort.
Personally, I am doing okay - I don't think my arm is broken but will need another x-ray to confirm this and seem to be handling the radiation and Boniva drug trial pretty well. Though the Boniva seems to make me sneeze 5 or 6 times in a row every morning.
Weird, medical questions are personal and hard and can be incredibly expensive. But in one way or another we as a society will need to figure this all out. Using facts to do this seems like a no-brainer but maybe that's the chemo talking.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Oops
So just when things seem to be getting into a reasonable pattern - radiation every morning but limited numbers of tests and I picked up the drugs for the stage 3 study which just requires me taking a pill every morning.
I fall...
On my way to visit my friend in the hospital.
I kind of stumbled and then fell down - skinned my knees, and fell on my right arm. People were very nice and rushed over, after sitting for a bit I had people help me up. (I had been using my right arm to help stand up.) After cleaning myself up I figured I may as well head over to visit my friend -as I wasn't getting work done. After sitting for an hour (with an ice pack that her nurses thoughtfully gave me) I realized I couldn't unbend my arm. 3 hours and x-rays later the doctor gave me a sling didn't think I broke or dislocated anything - and my elbow was bruised and had some blood gathering. His diagnosis was to take motrin or naproxin to get the swelling down and percocet or oxycodone for breakthrough pain and keep my arm in the sling for 5 days to take the pressure off. Is it a bad response when a doctor asks you what you like taking for pain and you say you have a drawer full of pills so he should just tell you what he wants you to take?
BoSoxFox was upstairs visiting our friend (who should get her own nickname) and graciously took me home, took out my trash and most importantly moved my car into a Monday or Tuesday spot so I don't need to worry about street cleaning. It all might be my need to stay the center of attention - how can someone else be sick? It also might be a test to see how much BSF can take before either having a nervous breakdown or deciding she really needs a new (and healthier) set of friends.
On the upside I fell on my good arm - lord knows what would be happening if I landed on the arm without lymph nodes. Of course it also means I landed on my good arm - so suddenly my delicate left arm is having to do things like carry my purse and open things. This morning, I went to radiation, then cabbed over to Georgetown to pick up the drugs for the trial (Bonniva pills to take daily) and was home by 11. I have since spent most of the day in bed napping and reading.
Then I got a call from GW- it seems like after having someone else look at the x-ray it might be a non-displaced radial fracture that didn't show up as a definite break at the point where my arm bone meets the elbow. It means checking in with orthopedics - though when I called they didn't seem to have any appointments until September unless it is an emergency. I'm waiting for a call back tomorrow. My arm is actually feeling better now and unbending some (and I seem able to type with it). The person who called basically thought I should use the sling they gave me - be seen sometime next week and probably see a physical therapist. So now I'm guessing I can have range of motion exercises for each arm. My (ex)boss had a physical therapist he really liked and given he is off to Syracuse she might have an opening in her schedule.
On the upside - I do realize the humor and ridiculousness of it all, and a week into radiation my treatment seems to be going well. Apparently my life can't get too calm - but I'm much happier dealing with a bruised good elbow than other complications. I'm also thinking that taking the Boniva (the bone density drug) probably will be a good thing for my bones, though I might start Friday instead of tomorrow. (I have to take the pill with a glass of water and not take anything else for a half hour - depending on how I'm feeling I think taking the motrin in the morning might trump starting the trial a day earlier. )
Kim
PS Not sure I'm sharing this with my mother so for those of you related to me - try not to mention it.
I fall...
On my way to visit my friend in the hospital.
I kind of stumbled and then fell down - skinned my knees, and fell on my right arm. People were very nice and rushed over, after sitting for a bit I had people help me up. (I had been using my right arm to help stand up.) After cleaning myself up I figured I may as well head over to visit my friend -as I wasn't getting work done. After sitting for an hour (with an ice pack that her nurses thoughtfully gave me) I realized I couldn't unbend my arm. 3 hours and x-rays later the doctor gave me a sling didn't think I broke or dislocated anything - and my elbow was bruised and had some blood gathering. His diagnosis was to take motrin or naproxin to get the swelling down and percocet or oxycodone for breakthrough pain and keep my arm in the sling for 5 days to take the pressure off. Is it a bad response when a doctor asks you what you like taking for pain and you say you have a drawer full of pills so he should just tell you what he wants you to take?
BoSoxFox was upstairs visiting our friend (who should get her own nickname) and graciously took me home, took out my trash and most importantly moved my car into a Monday or Tuesday spot so I don't need to worry about street cleaning. It all might be my need to stay the center of attention - how can someone else be sick? It also might be a test to see how much BSF can take before either having a nervous breakdown or deciding she really needs a new (and healthier) set of friends.
On the upside I fell on my good arm - lord knows what would be happening if I landed on the arm without lymph nodes. Of course it also means I landed on my good arm - so suddenly my delicate left arm is having to do things like carry my purse and open things. This morning, I went to radiation, then cabbed over to Georgetown to pick up the drugs for the trial (Bonniva pills to take daily) and was home by 11. I have since spent most of the day in bed napping and reading.
Then I got a call from GW- it seems like after having someone else look at the x-ray it might be a non-displaced radial fracture that didn't show up as a definite break at the point where my arm bone meets the elbow. It means checking in with orthopedics - though when I called they didn't seem to have any appointments until September unless it is an emergency. I'm waiting for a call back tomorrow. My arm is actually feeling better now and unbending some (and I seem able to type with it). The person who called basically thought I should use the sling they gave me - be seen sometime next week and probably see a physical therapist. So now I'm guessing I can have range of motion exercises for each arm. My (ex)boss had a physical therapist he really liked and given he is off to Syracuse she might have an opening in her schedule.
On the upside - I do realize the humor and ridiculousness of it all, and a week into radiation my treatment seems to be going well. Apparently my life can't get too calm - but I'm much happier dealing with a bruised good elbow than other complications. I'm also thinking that taking the Boniva (the bone density drug) probably will be a good thing for my bones, though I might start Friday instead of tomorrow. (I have to take the pill with a glass of water and not take anything else for a half hour - depending on how I'm feeling I think taking the motrin in the morning might trump starting the trial a day earlier. )
Kim
PS Not sure I'm sharing this with my mother so for those of you related to me - try not to mention it.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
All aglow
Back from Caneel Bay. The trip was great and totally relaxing. I ended up snorkeling a lot, swimming some and basically hanging out on the beach. I read 2 books--both pretty trashy--and did manage to leave the grounds one night for dinner. In general things were good, I did have a Hitchcock moment the last day when a bird swooped down and stole a piece of bacon off my plate at breakfast, as I was carrying my plate. I swear he was then eyeing me for the rest of the meal, but maybe it was a sign I should cut out the processed meats. Later that morning we were in the water and probably 20 birds suddenly swarmed us - though in all likelihood they were more interested in the fish than me or Melissa. We were sad to leave and did manage to get splashed on the ferry ride back to St Thomas.
Thursday was a rude awakening from the trip, as I started radiation. So after swimming and laying on the beach for five days, I got to spend an hour trying to lie perfectly still on a table while people moved me around and drew on me with blue marker. I tried pretending I was still on the beach and that my lounge chair was maybe just not so comfortable.
Friday's zapping was much faster and less eventful. Indeed, I think it actually took them longer to blend my iced soy latte (at the Illy, not the hospital) than it took for me to get treatment while on the table.
I then went to work where it was the last day for my boss and another person I work with. I ended up cutting the teary goodbyes short because I called the American Cancer Society to see about getting fitted with something that could even me out. (Yes, the aftermath of looking at pictures made it quite clear how lopsided I currently am.) It turns out they do fittings on Friday until 2:30 and the office is 2 blocks from my house. I cut out of work at 1:30 and managed to get to ACS and they gave me a cotton puff that helps with symmetry and is pretty light.
I then headed home and actually took a nap. I'd blame the radiation, but I'm guessing it was much more likely due to general fatigue related to the trip, then headed out for dinner with some friends. I spent some time this afternoon with a friend who is having some gastro issues and needs to go into the hospital for antibiotics. If nothing else, this year has given me some expertise in hospital stays. I had all sorts of advice to give and opinions on what you should bring to the hospital and check in information. She's going to GW, so on the upside I can potentially stop in daily post-radiation.
Anyway, in happier news, my friend Lorien is getting married this weekend and my cousin Abby had her twins last weekend. Congratulations to all of you.
Friday's zapping was much faster and less eventful. Indeed, I think it actually took them longer to blend my iced soy latte (at the Illy, not the hospital) than it took for me to get treatment while on the table.
I then went to work where it was the last day for my boss and another person I work with. I ended up cutting the teary goodbyes short because I called the American Cancer Society to see about getting fitted with something that could even me out. (Yes, the aftermath of looking at pictures made it quite clear how lopsided I currently am.) It turns out they do fittings on Friday until 2:30 and the office is 2 blocks from my house. I cut out of work at 1:30 and managed to get to ACS and they gave me a cotton puff that helps with symmetry and is pretty light.
I then headed home and actually took a nap. I'd blame the radiation, but I'm guessing it was much more likely due to general fatigue related to the trip, then headed out for dinner with some friends. I spent some time this afternoon with a friend who is having some gastro issues and needs to go into the hospital for antibiotics. If nothing else, this year has given me some expertise in hospital stays. I had all sorts of advice to give and opinions on what you should bring to the hospital and check in information. She's going to GW, so on the upside I can potentially stop in daily post-radiation.
Anyway, in happier news, my friend Lorien is getting married this weekend and my cousin Abby had her twins last weekend. Congratulations to all of you.
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