Just thought i would report in. Not saying much more than Melissa did but figure would show i'm functional. I came home today about 4 - and slept about a couple hours this afternoon but not at all in the hospital last night - unless you count the total unconsciousness of surgery earlier in the day. Things went reasonably well and I will write more over the next couple of days. Now I am on a lovely combination of percocet and valium - apparently valium is really good for muscle spasms which is my main pain and a goal is to try and relax my chest muscle which is really tight. Will write more tomorrow as l should use my percocet valium drug combo to try and sleep.
Thanks again for all your good thoughts and presents, wholly unneccessary but appreciated. Mary Ann has been great and the people at G-town were terrific.
Kim
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Home sweet home!
Kim is now home. She didn't sleep much last night, so she's going to try to catch up now on sleep.
So keep those good thoughts and well wishes coming! But you may want to hold off on phone calls until later in the week.
Best,
Melissa
So keep those good thoughts and well wishes coming! But you may want to hold off on phone calls until later in the week.
Best,
Melissa
Monday, June 29, 2009
Private room
Greetings again from BoSoxFox,
I am just off the phone from Kim. She sounds great, and was pleased to report that she has a private room for the night. Unfortunately, she did not get her room until close to 9 pm. So Mary Ann had a late night at the hospital and Tracy and I were unable to visit. (Safe travels, Tracy!)
There is a possibility that Kim will stay a second night because of the late admission. Whether this happens will depend, according to Dr. J, on her pain levels and how well they are able to manage her pain with medication. Kim hopes to get home tomorrow, but we just need to wait and see what happens. She was well enough to be disappointed that the Mets' 9th inning rally fell short, so I guess that is a good sign that she is "back."
Hopefully, Kim will also return to the blogosphere tomorrow. She'll try to make phone calls tomorrow as well, but may be a bit slow because of recovery (she needs to rest and her mouth is still dry from the earlier procedures) compounded by some cellphone issues. But she is sending along her greetings.
Best to all,
Melissa
I am just off the phone from Kim. She sounds great, and was pleased to report that she has a private room for the night. Unfortunately, she did not get her room until close to 9 pm. So Mary Ann had a late night at the hospital and Tracy and I were unable to visit. (Safe travels, Tracy!)
There is a possibility that Kim will stay a second night because of the late admission. Whether this happens will depend, according to Dr. J, on her pain levels and how well they are able to manage her pain with medication. Kim hopes to get home tomorrow, but we just need to wait and see what happens. She was well enough to be disappointed that the Mets' 9th inning rally fell short, so I guess that is a good sign that she is "back."
Hopefully, Kim will also return to the blogosphere tomorrow. She'll try to make phone calls tomorrow as well, but may be a bit slow because of recovery (she needs to rest and her mouth is still dry from the earlier procedures) compounded by some cellphone issues. But she is sending along her greetings.
Best to all,
Melissa
Today's surgery, part 2
Hello again from guest blogger Melissa (BoSoxFox),
Mary Ann reports that she has just spoken to Dr. J (Kim's plastic surgeon for this part of the process). Dr. J reports that the surgery is complete, and Kim is doing well. She noted that the skin "looks good," and that is an important outcome for this part of the surgery.
It sounds as though Kim will not be out of recovery (and into her room) for at least another hour or so (7 to 7:30 East coast time). So she likely will not be communicating much with folks until tomorrow.
UPDATE: It now looks like Kim will not make it to her room until 7:45 or 8:00ish. She is sleeping well in recovery, so the nurses want her to rest as much as she can and they are integrating the shift change into her schedule. They are very pleased with her progress, and she is doing great in terms of vital signs, etc. So all good news, but communication may be slow.
Thanks,
Melissa
Mary Ann reports that she has just spoken to Dr. J (Kim's plastic surgeon for this part of the process). Dr. J reports that the surgery is complete, and Kim is doing well. She noted that the skin "looks good," and that is an important outcome for this part of the surgery.
It sounds as though Kim will not be out of recovery (and into her room) for at least another hour or so (7 to 7:30 East coast time). So she likely will not be communicating much with folks until tomorrow.
UPDATE: It now looks like Kim will not make it to her room until 7:45 or 8:00ish. She is sleeping well in recovery, so the nurses want her to rest as much as she can and they are integrating the shift change into her schedule. They are very pleased with her progress, and she is doing great in terms of vital signs, etc. So all good news, but communication may be slow.
Thanks,
Melissa
Today's surgery
Hello again to Kim's friends and family,
This is BoSoxFox (Melissa), guest blogger, reporting on Kim's surgery today.
I just spoke with Mary Ann, who has just spoken with Dr. E. The first part of Kim's surgery is now complete. Dr. E. says that everything went well, and consistent with her expectations. Kim is still in with the plastic surgeon (Dr. J.). Mary Ann will call back and report more later, when this second part of the surgery is complete, and I will post again then.
This may be an appropriate time to recognize Kim's awesome friends like Mary Ann (and Carol, Debbie, Elizabeth, Ellen and Rob, Julie, Michele, Rosanne, Sue, Susan, Taleen, and Tracy) who have done such a fabulous job keeping Kim's friends and family updated throughout the course of these treatments and procedures. It's meant a huge amount to me to get these phone calls/updates, and I imagine that many of you feel the same way. I am sure that I am forgetting people--and I haven't even started with all the Urban folks who have been providing meals, Lincoln folks who have been providing incredible care packages, friends who have been sending gorgeous flowers, driving Kim to appointments, etc. So kudos to Mary Ann and many others!
Tracy and I are making plans to visit Kim after work later today (assuming that Kim feels up to having us). I will also try to post more this evening--or perhaps tomorrow morning--after I have had a chance to speak to Kim directly and can provide more information.
More soon,
Melissa
This is BoSoxFox (Melissa), guest blogger, reporting on Kim's surgery today.
I just spoke with Mary Ann, who has just spoken with Dr. E. The first part of Kim's surgery is now complete. Dr. E. says that everything went well, and consistent with her expectations. Kim is still in with the plastic surgeon (Dr. J.). Mary Ann will call back and report more later, when this second part of the surgery is complete, and I will post again then.
This may be an appropriate time to recognize Kim's awesome friends like Mary Ann (and Carol, Debbie, Elizabeth, Ellen and Rob, Julie, Michele, Rosanne, Sue, Susan, Taleen, and Tracy) who have done such a fabulous job keeping Kim's friends and family updated throughout the course of these treatments and procedures. It's meant a huge amount to me to get these phone calls/updates, and I imagine that many of you feel the same way. I am sure that I am forgetting people--and I haven't even started with all the Urban folks who have been providing meals, Lincoln folks who have been providing incredible care packages, friends who have been sending gorgeous flowers, driving Kim to appointments, etc. So kudos to Mary Ann and many others!
Tracy and I are making plans to visit Kim after work later today (assuming that Kim feels up to having us). I will also try to post more this evening--or perhaps tomorrow morning--after I have had a chance to speak to Kim directly and can provide more information.
More soon,
Melissa
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Family time
Sorry for the delay in posting. I had been in NY visiting with my parents, sister and her family this weekend and my brother and his family have been in DC this week. Running around with kids has been fun - and uniformly the 6 and under set have been fascinated by my very short hair and wig wearing. One of my nephews is a little offended by my wearing of the wig - he thinks I'm lying to folks but it might be all a ruse so he can get his hands on it.
Last week before leaving for New York I did spend a lovely 5 hours at Georgetown for pre-surgery testing and an appointment with a radiation oncologist. Meeting with the second radiation oncologist was reassuring - according to her I'm not in a grey zone. Given the lymphovascular involvement and size of my tumor I should definitely have radiation - which means after having the mastectomy and placing of an expander on Monday the next step will definitely be radiation starting probably about a month later. While I definitely like the people at G-town I will probably have radiation at GW due to the convenience of location and the daily dosing.
While I'm sad that this process will probably go on beyond the 1 year mark I will be excited to at least have the treatment part done by that point. Reconstruction will need to be done probably a couple of months post radiation and how involved it will be will depend on what reconstruction I choose.
Anyway - next step is surgery on Monday with a stay probably overnight. I will try and post early next week . Anyway I hope your summer is more fun than mine. I did go in the pool with my nephews on Tuesday which may likely be my only pool time this summer.
Kim
Last week before leaving for New York I did spend a lovely 5 hours at Georgetown for pre-surgery testing and an appointment with a radiation oncologist. Meeting with the second radiation oncologist was reassuring - according to her I'm not in a grey zone. Given the lymphovascular involvement and size of my tumor I should definitely have radiation - which means after having the mastectomy and placing of an expander on Monday the next step will definitely be radiation starting probably about a month later. While I definitely like the people at G-town I will probably have radiation at GW due to the convenience of location and the daily dosing.
While I'm sad that this process will probably go on beyond the 1 year mark I will be excited to at least have the treatment part done by that point. Reconstruction will need to be done probably a couple of months post radiation and how involved it will be will depend on what reconstruction I choose.
Anyway - next step is surgery on Monday with a stay probably overnight. I will try and post early next week . Anyway I hope your summer is more fun than mine. I did go in the pool with my nephews on Tuesday which may likely be my only pool time this summer.
Kim
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Female doctors rock!!!
I've been meaning to blog and report in after meeting with the new plastic surgeon on Monday. She seems awesome. She seems super competent and the meeting went well after a bit of a rocky start. Tracy came with me and while I did almost lose it when the front office staff wanted me to re-fill out the 3 pages of forms it got better from there. When I explained that I had been there Friday and was seeing Dr. J because the other surgeon's schedule was too full they said they would go retrieve my record. I'm guessing the fact that Michele had called basically all of the assistants and schedulers of the random plastic surgeons Friday afternoon probably tipped them off. Again the doctor and the nurse I met with were terrific. I also got to pose in the studio for some more topless/headless pictures. On Friday the doctor just took the pictures, Monday they took me into a lit studio where apparently the person in the office who takes photos works.
She also took the whole process VERY seriously, and clearly doesn't like the idea that the other plastic surgeon just snaps away in the examining room.
MaryAnn is going to come on Monday, apparently I get 2 drains for this surgery - though one is little and is supposed to come out on Thursday. I will stay overnight and then probably go home but the doctor seemed to think I would be okay on my own for the following weekend.
I also spoke to my oncologist, who was also super supportive and who I am seeing post-mastectomy. She also really likes the G-town radiation oncologist who I am currently scheduled to see on Thursday - though it might make sense to postpone that appointment until after surgery when they can get more biopsy results. She (the oncologist) thought I was on the margin between getting radiation and not and thought it wasn't a terrible idea. (There is some evidence of radiation decreasing the probability of recurrence even with mastectomy for tumors of the size mine was.) She did repeat that I do not need more chemo - and I am happy to keep any forward progress I can.
Basically I am in a way better space now mentally - part of this process that is kind of amazing is how long ago things can feel. It feels like way longer than Friday when I met with the doctors.
This weekend I am going to NY to see my parents and sister and family and then my brother and his family come to DC on Tuesday.
She also took the whole process VERY seriously, and clearly doesn't like the idea that the other plastic surgeon just snaps away in the examining room.
MaryAnn is going to come on Monday, apparently I get 2 drains for this surgery - though one is little and is supposed to come out on Thursday. I will stay overnight and then probably go home but the doctor seemed to think I would be okay on my own for the following weekend.
I also spoke to my oncologist, who was also super supportive and who I am seeing post-mastectomy. She also really likes the G-town radiation oncologist who I am currently scheduled to see on Thursday - though it might make sense to postpone that appointment until after surgery when they can get more biopsy results. She (the oncologist) thought I was on the margin between getting radiation and not and thought it wasn't a terrible idea. (There is some evidence of radiation decreasing the probability of recurrence even with mastectomy for tumors of the size mine was.) She did repeat that I do not need more chemo - and I am happy to keep any forward progress I can.
Basically I am in a way better space now mentally - part of this process that is kind of amazing is how long ago things can feel. It feels like way longer than Friday when I met with the doctors.
This weekend I am going to NY to see my parents and sister and family and then my brother and his family come to DC on Tuesday.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Things do look better in the morning
I never did buy the ice-cream yesterday. But after watching a good trippy movie (Across the Universe - Julie Taymour directed, beatles music inspired trip through the 60s), and sleeping and getting out today things seem okay. I went for a walk on the C&O canal, went to a farmer's market and having lunch with my friend Sue I am feeling better. I seem to generally basically only wallow for a day or night and then seem okay with the new information.
Today seems like an okay day as long as the 30 or so people congregating in my neighbor's apartment for the gay pride parade don't drive me too crazy. Sue dropped me off at 3 and besides for the 20something blonde guy smoking and reeking of alcohol by 3 - it was okay that he kept waving but when he wanted a hug I had to draw the line. I would have thought my age, gender and saying I had surgery on my left side so didn't want contact would have done it. He seemed to want details and I said I had surgery on my arm but didn't really want to ruin his mood or discuss my breast cancer with him. I'm trying to remember if I've ever been that drunk at 3pm even when I was 20-something. Maybe when I lived in London during college but I don't even think then .
In the end I'm guessing it's going to come down to how good the concrete walls really are - of course I never heard the twins from upstairs so I'm hopeful I won't be too disturbed. It might be sad that I have gotten old and crotchety.
I will probably see another radiation oncologist to get a sense or consensus on the need for radiation - though I'm guessing I am at a point where going for more agressive treatment seems prudent. I will also figure out what I think of the new plastic surgeon after monday's appointment and figure out how long recovery usually is. I think my friend Mary Ann is going to come stay :).
I'm going to try to stay more active - and just take this one day at a time. (How many cliche's can I put in one sentence.) This also probably means a trip to Westchester to see my folks if I don't have them come post-surgery. I love them but not sure my apartment works for three people - I could maybe have my mom sleep on the futon but I don't think they wouldn't kill each other if they were both on the futon and after my surgery I'm not going to want to be on the futon.
Ir will work out in the end. I might go buy frozen yogurt now.
Happy pride for those celebrating - I will try not to be too cranky, even if the carousing does keep me up :).
Today seems like an okay day as long as the 30 or so people congregating in my neighbor's apartment for the gay pride parade don't drive me too crazy. Sue dropped me off at 3 and besides for the 20something blonde guy smoking and reeking of alcohol by 3 - it was okay that he kept waving but when he wanted a hug I had to draw the line. I would have thought my age, gender and saying I had surgery on my left side so didn't want contact would have done it. He seemed to want details and I said I had surgery on my arm but didn't really want to ruin his mood or discuss my breast cancer with him. I'm trying to remember if I've ever been that drunk at 3pm even when I was 20-something. Maybe when I lived in London during college but I don't even think then .
In the end I'm guessing it's going to come down to how good the concrete walls really are - of course I never heard the twins from upstairs so I'm hopeful I won't be too disturbed. It might be sad that I have gotten old and crotchety.
I will probably see another radiation oncologist to get a sense or consensus on the need for radiation - though I'm guessing I am at a point where going for more agressive treatment seems prudent. I will also figure out what I think of the new plastic surgeon after monday's appointment and figure out how long recovery usually is. I think my friend Mary Ann is going to come stay :).
I'm going to try to stay more active - and just take this one day at a time. (How many cliche's can I put in one sentence.) This also probably means a trip to Westchester to see my folks if I don't have them come post-surgery. I love them but not sure my apartment works for three people - I could maybe have my mom sleep on the futon but I don't think they wouldn't kill each other if they were both on the futon and after my surgery I'm not going to want to be on the futon.
Ir will work out in the end. I might go buy frozen yogurt now.
Happy pride for those celebrating - I will try not to be too cranky, even if the carousing does keep me up :).
Friday, June 12, 2009
Visit with surgeons.
Thought I'd check in though my news is kind of frustrating. I met with the plastic surgeon and team who thought I might need radiation so thought best option for surgery would be to do the mastectomy and put in an expander and do reconstruction (either tissue transfer or implant) after I am done with radiation if I need it. I was bummed this process would be more drawn out but after talking to the radiation oncologist I had thought I would probably need radiation too.
We (BoSoxFox, my steadfast companion) then went to see my general surgeon - while Dr. E was a little surprised about the concurrence about doing radiation she was happy to defer to the experts. We then tried scheduling surgery which the fancy plastic surgeon couldn't do until July 16, even though it would only be 45 minutes of his time since we were only doing the expander surgery and 2 hours earlier they seemed to think they could get it scheduled fairly quickly. This is the point where I basically lost it. After much finagling by Dr. E's assistant I am going to have surgery June 29 with a different plastic surgeon who is interning with the the microsurgery guys putting in the expander. This new doctor is a certified plastic surgeon and my doctor thinks she will do a good job and that I could still have the reconstruction afterward.
I'm not sure why the idea of having surgery on June 29 seems much more doable than mid-July but it seems dealable given I want the cancer out of my body. My sugeon pointed out most of the tumor is gone, so that is good news even though the stuff that's left seems more hardy. So more surgery, then radiation then some decisions about reconstruction but the cancer will be out of my body. I'm trying to figure out if I am being totally irrational and foolish in not waiting the extra 2 1/2 weeks to have the surgery with the more experienced surgeon. If I balk after meeting with the new plastic surgeon on monday I can see about rethinking this whole process.
My surgeon also gave me the option of having the mastectomy and then having the expanders put in later but having another surgery also seems like too much - given the 2 I've already had.
The other thing I'm trying to work out today/tonight is what recovery will look like and what I need to do in terms of having people stay and for how long. My parents are supposed to be going back to Vegas from NY on that day and logistically I'm not sure it would work to have them come up straight from NY.
I'll figure this out this weekend and Monday. Will try and write more or expand this over the weekend.
Kim
We (BoSoxFox, my steadfast companion) then went to see my general surgeon - while Dr. E was a little surprised about the concurrence about doing radiation she was happy to defer to the experts. We then tried scheduling surgery which the fancy plastic surgeon couldn't do until July 16, even though it would only be 45 minutes of his time since we were only doing the expander surgery and 2 hours earlier they seemed to think they could get it scheduled fairly quickly. This is the point where I basically lost it. After much finagling by Dr. E's assistant I am going to have surgery June 29 with a different plastic surgeon who is interning with the the microsurgery guys putting in the expander. This new doctor is a certified plastic surgeon and my doctor thinks she will do a good job and that I could still have the reconstruction afterward.
I'm not sure why the idea of having surgery on June 29 seems much more doable than mid-July but it seems dealable given I want the cancer out of my body. My sugeon pointed out most of the tumor is gone, so that is good news even though the stuff that's left seems more hardy. So more surgery, then radiation then some decisions about reconstruction but the cancer will be out of my body. I'm trying to figure out if I am being totally irrational and foolish in not waiting the extra 2 1/2 weeks to have the surgery with the more experienced surgeon. If I balk after meeting with the new plastic surgeon on monday I can see about rethinking this whole process.
My surgeon also gave me the option of having the mastectomy and then having the expanders put in later but having another surgery also seems like too much - given the 2 I've already had.
The other thing I'm trying to work out today/tonight is what recovery will look like and what I need to do in terms of having people stay and for how long. My parents are supposed to be going back to Vegas from NY on that day and logistically I'm not sure it would work to have them come up straight from NY.
I'll figure this out this weekend and Monday. Will try and write more or expand this over the weekend.
Kim
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Back from Cambridge and still waiting to see the plastic surgeon
(Note lots of random discussion of reconstruction - so if flesh talk makes you squeamish be forewarned.)
Just thought I would check in, though no real news to report. Cambridge was fun and it was great seeing old friends (friends that I've had for 20+ years - none of us are old despite that math, we were apparently toddlers in college) over the weekend and then some newer friends at the conference Sunday-Tuesday. The Harvard undergrads turned out to be safe and the most reckless thing I did was buy 4 pairs of shoes and assorted other clothing with Pam and Taleen. A little retail therapy did me good as did the re-introduction of alcohol back into my life. I'm sticking to one maybe 2 drinks and trying to make them weak. (Yes I had three mojitos yesterday but they were largely mixed with extra sprite and ice and I did have the bartender add more vodka to my orange juice Monday night in Cambridge.) I'm guessing the drinking multiple nights in a row is also not a habit I will keep up but seemed to work this past week. (I didn't drink Wednesday or Thursday.)
Cambridge was beautiful, the conference was interesting though I apparently can handle going to about 3/4's of a day long conference. This was true this past week and at the NTA meetings the week before.
Tracy was a champ at presenting our synthesis non-paper and I basically asked and answered questions. It was interesting being with other people who care about what's happening to locl governments. I may have to apologize to some folks who during the cocktail hours and breaks may have thought they would be coming and having lovely conversations about local finances and what people were working on and ended up finding themselves faced with boob talk. A number of folks at the conference are people I know pretty well and have been following my progress throughout the year. In general, public finance/tax folks are very nice and have been super supportive. But it has in the end meant I've ended up talking about my breasts with way more men than I'd ever have thought. Of course they maybe should just be relieved that I'm not stripping down and showing them my scars, something I've mainly done with women.
Coming back to DC was fine though it has been rainy and dreary. I'm doing okay and while the weekend break was welcome I'm a little sad i passed up the Monday morning meeting with the plastic surgeon - as I am still waiting to see him on Friday.
In the meantime I've started reading about reconstruction. I think I'm leaning towards the free flap surgery - which entails moving flesh, fat and skin but not muscle from the stomach or butt to form a new breast and then reattaching to the blood supply. Upside, it is my own body, doesn't require moving my muscle (tram flaps and other earlier surgeries include moving and using ab or back muscles), and looks more natural(then implants) and if everything goes right, I have a minor second surgery to create a nipple and then I'm done. Down side long (possibly 11 hours) surgery, month-long recovery time (longer than implant recovery) due to 2 incision sites and higher potential for the surgery not to be successful and the flesh could die.
Implant surgery requires putting in a chest expander (unlike cosmetic surgery it goes behind the chest muscle as the skin needs a source of nourishment and the breast flesh is gone) which is partly filled with saline and you need to come in a couple of times for more expansion and then have the final surgery. Downside of implants - will look much more different than other side (implants stay round and perky) , feel less natural and likely will need to be replaced at some point and might require doing something on the other side for symmetry. Upside surgery is quicker, and more surgeons can do this.
Tram flap (the other surgery type using your own body) requires using muscle can take as much time as free flap but it is less tricky since not detaching and reattaching veins and arteries but does involve moving a muscle. Given my back issues I'm not sure I'm ready to use lower ab or back muscles.
I think assuming the plastic surgeon says i am a good candidate I would go for the free flap if we can do it pretty soon. If they don't think this could be done I might go with the implant and potential surgery on the other breast to even things out. The idea of using my muscles kind of freak me out.
I'm having random dreams about not being to have the surgery right away and the cancer remaining in my body is freaking me out. I want this to be over and I'd also hate to have to start recovery all over. My arm and breast are still hurting now - if I'm totally recovered and need to start over I'll be somewhat bummed.
I have names of women who have gone through this decision making process and will begin having discussions. Most of the people I know have had double mastectomy reconstruction - I'm not sure if the considerations are all the same given the symmetry issues don't come into play for them.
Otherwise, things are okay. I'm hoping that things will be somewhat resolved on Friday. I might see about scheduling an appointment with another plastic surgeon for this week to try and have more options.
In other minor news -my hair is coming back (i have even started shaving my legs) and have lost one of my big toe nails - the other one is bound to come off soon as well. They've both been pretty dead since taxol times and have been the other body part I've been somewhat obsessing about. (Of course if we tally it up, most of my body is getting a certain amount of attention - checking on hair, wanting my arm to be less sore and start working, my breast needs to stop aching and the toe-nails. I also need new glasses/contacts but figure that can wait for next flex-period.)
Hope you are all having a good day and best wishes for those participating in the random race for the cure races throughout the country.
Kim
Just thought I would check in, though no real news to report. Cambridge was fun and it was great seeing old friends (friends that I've had for 20+ years - none of us are old despite that math, we were apparently toddlers in college) over the weekend and then some newer friends at the conference Sunday-Tuesday. The Harvard undergrads turned out to be safe and the most reckless thing I did was buy 4 pairs of shoes and assorted other clothing with Pam and Taleen. A little retail therapy did me good as did the re-introduction of alcohol back into my life. I'm sticking to one maybe 2 drinks and trying to make them weak. (Yes I had three mojitos yesterday but they were largely mixed with extra sprite and ice and I did have the bartender add more vodka to my orange juice Monday night in Cambridge.) I'm guessing the drinking multiple nights in a row is also not a habit I will keep up but seemed to work this past week. (I didn't drink Wednesday or Thursday.)
Cambridge was beautiful, the conference was interesting though I apparently can handle going to about 3/4's of a day long conference. This was true this past week and at the NTA meetings the week before.
Tracy was a champ at presenting our synthesis non-paper and I basically asked and answered questions. It was interesting being with other people who care about what's happening to locl governments. I may have to apologize to some folks who during the cocktail hours and breaks may have thought they would be coming and having lovely conversations about local finances and what people were working on and ended up finding themselves faced with boob talk. A number of folks at the conference are people I know pretty well and have been following my progress throughout the year. In general, public finance/tax folks are very nice and have been super supportive. But it has in the end meant I've ended up talking about my breasts with way more men than I'd ever have thought. Of course they maybe should just be relieved that I'm not stripping down and showing them my scars, something I've mainly done with women.
Coming back to DC was fine though it has been rainy and dreary. I'm doing okay and while the weekend break was welcome I'm a little sad i passed up the Monday morning meeting with the plastic surgeon - as I am still waiting to see him on Friday.
In the meantime I've started reading about reconstruction. I think I'm leaning towards the free flap surgery - which entails moving flesh, fat and skin but not muscle from the stomach or butt to form a new breast and then reattaching to the blood supply. Upside, it is my own body, doesn't require moving my muscle (tram flaps and other earlier surgeries include moving and using ab or back muscles), and looks more natural(then implants) and if everything goes right, I have a minor second surgery to create a nipple and then I'm done. Down side long (possibly 11 hours) surgery, month-long recovery time (longer than implant recovery) due to 2 incision sites and higher potential for the surgery not to be successful and the flesh could die.
Implant surgery requires putting in a chest expander (unlike cosmetic surgery it goes behind the chest muscle as the skin needs a source of nourishment and the breast flesh is gone) which is partly filled with saline and you need to come in a couple of times for more expansion and then have the final surgery. Downside of implants - will look much more different than other side (implants stay round and perky) , feel less natural and likely will need to be replaced at some point and might require doing something on the other side for symmetry. Upside surgery is quicker, and more surgeons can do this.
Tram flap (the other surgery type using your own body) requires using muscle can take as much time as free flap but it is less tricky since not detaching and reattaching veins and arteries but does involve moving a muscle. Given my back issues I'm not sure I'm ready to use lower ab or back muscles.
I think assuming the plastic surgeon says i am a good candidate I would go for the free flap if we can do it pretty soon. If they don't think this could be done I might go with the implant and potential surgery on the other breast to even things out. The idea of using my muscles kind of freak me out.
I'm having random dreams about not being to have the surgery right away and the cancer remaining in my body is freaking me out. I want this to be over and I'd also hate to have to start recovery all over. My arm and breast are still hurting now - if I'm totally recovered and need to start over I'll be somewhat bummed.
I have names of women who have gone through this decision making process and will begin having discussions. Most of the people I know have had double mastectomy reconstruction - I'm not sure if the considerations are all the same given the symmetry issues don't come into play for them.
Otherwise, things are okay. I'm hoping that things will be somewhat resolved on Friday. I might see about scheduling an appointment with another plastic surgeon for this week to try and have more options.
In other minor news -my hair is coming back (i have even started shaving my legs) and have lost one of my big toe nails - the other one is bound to come off soon as well. They've both been pretty dead since taxol times and have been the other body part I've been somewhat obsessing about. (Of course if we tally it up, most of my body is getting a certain amount of attention - checking on hair, wanting my arm to be less sore and start working, my breast needs to stop aching and the toe-nails. I also need new glasses/contacts but figure that can wait for next flex-period.)
Hope you are all having a good day and best wishes for those participating in the random race for the cure races throughout the country.
Kim
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
